


Starlight

by DesertWillow



Series: Dragon Age Meme Fills [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Kink Meme, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 10:15:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3116348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertWillow/pseuds/DesertWillow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fill for the kink meme. Request was to see the Inquisitor's reaction to wiping out Clan Lavellan due to the wrong decision made in a War Table quest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starlight

She’d been a mess all week waiting for the messengers.

She had played it off, drinking with the Chargers at the tavern, swapping stories with Varric, gossiping with Dorian (or whatever it was that they did, he didn’t really understand her friendship with the mage), but Cullen had seen the tightness in her shoulders, heard the shrillness in her laugh.

It may have helped had Ellana gone out on a mission, something to keep her occupied, but she wanted to know her clan was safe the second they had word. She trusted Josephine's diplomacy skills. _They’ll be fine_ , he heard her whisper to herself when the nerves became too much. Still, she wanted to know as soon as possible. If there had been time, she would have handled it personally but the ravens were faster and they already had agents there.

Cullen had seen the messenger approach from his tower and went to find Ella, to finally see the tension of uncertainty lift off of her.

 

* * *

 

He knew something terrible had happened when he could hear his own footsteps in the Great Hall. It would be shocking that anything could be heard over the courtiers who normally milled about but most had abandoned the room. Those who were there were absolutely still, not daring to even breath.

Cullen made it to Josephine’s office just in time to hear something shatter against a stone wall.

“You said! You said your agents had a handle on the situation! You asked me to trust you!” Ellana was by the fire with murder in her eyes. Josephine stood near her desk looking lost. Defeated.

“I don’t know what to say. Words are not enough to say how s-”

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry! Don’t you dare. You don’t get to express regret like this is some faux pas at a dignitary’s dinner.” Despite the shattered vase and other breakables on the floor, Ellana was not yelling. Her voice was low and icy, but it was thin ice. One false step and it would shatter.

“What’s happened?” Cullen announced his presence.

She wheeled on him “They’re dead! They’re all dead. You were right, the mob killed them because she didn’t move fast enough!” Ellana lunge for Josephine, but Cullen managed to get in between she made it across the office.

The restraining hand on her arm took the fight out of her instantly. The Inquisitor looked up at the Commander and he was struck by how young she truly was. They all forgot that she was just a hunter who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. They were too awestruck of her bravery and selflessness, dazzled by her charm and bravado.

Now he just saw a young girl, very far from home and in unfathomable pain.

“They’re dead,” she whispered. “Why didn’t I- The Inquisition should have been there to protect them.” Ella looked down at her trembling hands.

He guided her gently into the Great Hall toward the doorway that would take them to her chambers. He didn’t think she would attack Josephine again, but he didn’t want to find out the hard way. The hall had been completely cleared out now and Cullen could see Varric’s silhouette guarding the entryway. Good. Ella didn’t need any of those Orlesian gossip mongers seeing her like this.

She followed his lead in a daze. She didn’t offer any resistance or help the entire walk up her stairs. Her eyes never left her hands.

Once in her room, he sat her down on the bed, the only thing that wasn’t Dalish themed in nearly the entire fortress. She had once joked that just because she wished for the Keep to remind her of home, didn’t mean she couldn’t appreciate a fine feather mattress.

Cullen knelt before her, taking her still trembling hands into his own, the numb quiet that was taking over her worrying him. She wouldn’t look him in the eyes.

“ **_I_ ** got them killed. Not Josie. I did. I made the call and it got them killed. You knew that there would be retaliation but I thought that-”

“You thought better of people than they deserved. That isn’t a bad thing.”

“I can’t- I can’t do this, Cullen. I can’t protect my own clan, how can I protect the entire world?”

Cullen took a moment to find the right words. “I’m not sure I can really be the one who answers that for you, love. There are few who truly can understand the burden you carry. But, I can tell you this. You are the bravest person I have ever known and you see the best in the world. You inspire unprecedented loyalty. I don’t think just anyone could get a Qunari and Tevinter mage to not just fight for the same cause but to also- do- whatever goes one between those two...” Ella finally looked up and gave him a watery smile. For once he didn’t mind making a complete fool of himself. “But you honor those you lost by protecting everyone else. You vow to do better.

“I can’t understand the pressure you’re under,” he continued. “But I do understand loss. I know how it can feel like it has just crushed you. An oppressive darkness that you cannot leave. And even when you are able to move forward that in itself feels like an act of betrayal. But you will keep them with you, with everything you do. Get some vellum. Write down everything you remember of them. Good, bad, random or inane, just write it down. It helps keep the details with you and it’s through the details that they will still live on.”  
  
That caused the icy numbness to finally shatter and her tears to break free. He scooped her into his arms and just held her through her sobs at the foot of her bed.

 

* * *

 

Later, when the worst of it had passed, he removed Ellana’s boots and brushed out her hair from the knot she usually kept it tied in. It wasn’t the numbness from earlier that prevented her from doing it by herself, but just sheer exhaustion.

“Would you stay tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course.”

“Do mind if we- I know this sounds silly but could we sleep on the floor? I know stone isn’t the most comfortable thing but the carpet in here is plush enough and I’d like to feel like I’m back home. But I know that’s ridiculous to ask. You can-”

“Ella, it’s fine. We can sleep there if you wish.”

After they had made a little pallet for themselves and he had removed his own boots and armor, they laid down in the middle of the room, and watched the stars through the stained glass that depicted a lush forest and running halla.

“Tell me about them,” he asked in the darkness.

And throughout the night, her clan lived in the stories she told.

 


End file.
